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Sad Evening


Assalammualaikum,


What a sad evening. Pedih mata sebab menangis banyak. As we all know, this evening was my appointment with Gynea clinic at SGH.

I was terribly nervous to meet the doctor. I'm worried about the possible findings that they will reveal. However, the results differ.

The Hospital cannot test my baby's blood because his blood somehow clot or cannot be test at all. Maknanya, darah baby angel Aqeel rosak, menyebabkan keputusan lab pun tak dapat diperolehi. So, they cannot diagnose if anything is wrong, if any.

I asked the specialist whether the cord is the cause? Doktor tu pun tak pasti sebab doktor yang sambut baby angel Aqeel tak tulis dalam case-note. So, at the end, they cannot conclude anything official as the cause of baby Aqeel's stillbirth. *very sad*

I asked the doktor

Me: "Bila boleh mencuba lagi?"
Doktor: "Selalunya kita nasihatkan 6 bulan, tetapi kalau lebih emotional stable , boleh cuba lebih awal..

*Adakah Mel sudah ready? Looks like the doctor is giving me the OK to try. He is more concern on my emotional stability. Hmm*

Me: "So, nanti kalau saya pregnant lagi macam mana?"
Doktor: "Pergi daftar kat Klinik Ibu & Anak dan minta dorang refer kat Klinik Pakar ni. Nanti kalau pregnant, akan dipantau dan disuruh makan aspirin"

*Bagus juga disuruh periksa kat Klinik Pakar. Baru consider nak jumpa Hospital Pakar Swasta kalau pregnant lagi. Hmm lagi*

Dalam 4 minggu lagi Mel disuruh datang lagi dengan result darah. Kena ambil darah dan hantar ke lab lagi. Doktor takut masa full term haritu Mel kena kencing manis. Tapi doktor kata result haritu macam OK. Apa-apa la, suruh check, kita pergi je check.

At the end, Mel rasa sedikit frustratied sebab tak dapat confirmation on anything. Bersabar saja la. Keluar klinik je, Mel dah banjir. Kawan ofis yang teman pun tak dapat nak pujuk. Masuk ofis pun masih juga banjir. Tak boleh nak fokus kat kerja dah. Last-last, Mel minta kebenaran balik. "Abang, tolong amik Syg"

Jumpa Hubby je, terus cerita dengan dia. Hubby cakap memang dia confirm yang baby angel cord accident, sebab dia nampak kesan lebam/biru kat leher anak sayang Mama tu. *sob sob* Hubby cakap, dah ditakdirkan begitu, kita perlu banyak bersabar..

Jadi, kita terus bersabar OK. Kalau ada rezeki, adalah tu rezeki kita kan? Banyak lagi orang yang tidak bernasib baik daripada kita. Harus selalu bersyukur..



MamaAqeel tak boleh putus asa!

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10 comments:

  1. It's always okay to cry Mel. apa lagik after all what had happened to u, macam kamek juak. Semua kebahagiaan, kegembiraan of pregnancy been ripped away from macam dalam sekelip mata. Semua planning n harapan vanished dengan tiba2, yang akhirnya ajar kita erti keredhaan. And next time pun kamek will go to klinik swasta juak, to get everything checked n done for me, if ada rezeki untuk pregnant lagik. Cz i was very frustrated with Mother/Child Clinic tok, they know something wasn't very good is happening to me, yet they won't reveal anything n just gave me sick leave for bedrest. Time scan pun boleh jak cdak padah. 'eee..wat is this? i don't know lah.. you just rest first".. n once pegi Specialist, everything was revealed instantly tho the pain is there.

    So, we never should give up okay. Allah akan tolong kita, no matter we rasa so hard n impossible it is. Hugs :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anakanda Amelna, yg sudah2 sudahlah. Jangan dikenang & diungkit2 lagi. Biar baby Aqeel aman & bahgia di sana. For ur info, mami pun nampak dengan jelas kesan jerutan di dahinya. Bukan rezeki so terima ketentuannya dengan rela hati & redha dengan ujian ini. InsyaAllah anakanda berdua akan menerima sesuatu yang lebih 'manis' suatu hari nanti. AMIN......

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kak Noa: I feel you! I am here if you need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on!

    Mummy: Thanks Mami. Yalah faham kamek, cuma kadang-kadang sedih yang teramat sangat. Mudahan kamek dan Abang selalu dapat bersabar dan tenang menempuh perjalanan hidup. AMIN..

    ReplyDelete
  4. mel dearie, be strong ok! insyaAllah ada rezeki agik kelak.jgn takut utk mencoba bak kata mami ktk yg udah ya, udah la oo but its ok to cry sometimes.
    take care darl! *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  5. mel..
    faham sgt2 pe mel rasa.dugaan mel lagi besar dari saya.saya sebak mengenangkan mel..

    mmg takdirnya begitu.hikmahnya mungkin besar.saya pun selalu ingatkan diri,the baby not meant to be here..with us.adalah reason yang Allah sembunyikan.kita yakin je pada diri,terbaik dtg dari allah.insyaallah akhirat kelak kita bersama semula

    wpun susah tuk handle perasaan..tapi,inilah je dapat saya katakan tuk mel..sama2 memujuk hati.
    saya gak kdg2 kalah,bila mengenang,but what else can we do,hanya mengharap rezki yang akan dtg allah turunkan dan gantikan dgn yang lebih baik.insyaallah..

    *sedih bangat & rindu*kalulah mel ada sini,nak je peluk dan nanges sesama..

    ReplyDelete
  6. Mel,
    ada entry tuk mel dari saya k?

    have a good rest,relax ur mind k dear..

    ReplyDelete
  7. Kak Fieza: Thanks! ;)

    Ashra: Thanks a lot for understanding me. Sama-sama kita pujuk sesama sendiri ye.

    Fiqah: Thanks, cuba be strong always..

    ReplyDelete
  8. sorry about your lost Mel..I know how u feel..i lost a son too at 5 mths pregnancy..InsyaAllah, Allah have better plans for you and will give you a replacement. Setiap Kejadian itu ada Hikmahnya...Sabar kay :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. hi mel,
    asma here.
    sorry to hear that.
    ya mel,jgn putus asa!!!
    insyaallah,sama2lah kita berdoa yg terbaik.
    amin=)

    ReplyDelete

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