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Memories of January 2011


Assalammualaikum,


It's raining heavily outside. The weather is cold and Hubby is at office doing some overtime. End of the year is always super busy for him and the rest of the company. I'm not trying to connect the weather with my feelings, but YES I'm kinda moody these days.

Anyway, I would like to share my "NOTE" in Facebook on January 2011. This is an honest writing when I was 37 weeks pregnant with baby angel Aqeel. Very hopeful, very happy, very excited indeed. The purpose I'm sharing it here in my blog is to revisit the moment and I really hope me and my husband will be in the same situation again, but with a happier ending. Bringing home a healthy and lively baby home. AMIN


2011: New adventures awaits

Wow, it's been a while since my last post. Nearly 1 year. 2010 has been a great year for me. My wedding, my pregnancy, my married life and my worklife..alhamdullilah, nothing much to complaint and I am very grateful of all blessing given by Allah for me, my family and my friends.


To update everyone, I am now 37 weeks pregnant. I have two Estimated Due Date; 18/2/2011 and according to scan my EDD is on 14/2/2011. I am actually very excited and anxious in the same time. I am always tired nowadays, since my bump is quite BIG! But I'm enjoying every moment with my pregnancy and my lil child in my tummy. Eyyy, can't wait to meet my baby!


Anyway, today I am on leave since I was having mild cramps when I woke up this morning, and my Hubby got a fever since last night and needs a lot of rest. I decided to stay home with him and this morning we when to Gribbles to get him a thorough medical check up. The result will be out on Saturday morning, hopefull there's nothing serious. But according to my Hubby, most probably it's pembawaan budak. Hehehehe. He's been like this a few times during my pregnancy, while myself did not catch any flu or fever. Alhamdullah ya Allah for that. Sian my hubby, luckily he's ok after a good power nap ;)


Back to my pregnancy, I've been reading a lot of posts/blogs/notes about other women's giving birth/labor experiences, especially those who gave birth in Sarawak General Hospital. I hope my experience there later on will be a good one without any mishaps and such. I work in the health sector, I really hope they treat me quite ok. As long as I'm healthy and my baby is healthy, I won't complaint much.


As for now, I am wondering how contractions feels like? I'm afraid that I missed the early signs and may danger my baby. Over-reacting-thinking-mum-soon-to-be right?


I hope everything will turn alright. Please pray for me and my baby everyone and hopefully my journey will be blessed by Allah, insyaAllah.


not my tummy ;P


-END-



Never in a moment that I would expect what happened to me (I guess no one does!) will ever happen, but it happened and I need to deal with it. Again I reminded myself, it's all in Allah planning maybe for something even better. There is no use for me to think of the WHAT IFs, because all of the thinking (even until I crack my head up) will not change the fact that baby Aqeel is no longer with us.


I hope this post can be some kind of closure of my grief for my firstborn. Not that I am saying that I will not remember Abang Aqeel bin Abang Adha, but I really need to move on. My grief is not making any good for myself. I cannot be this moody and self-pity all the time. Ya Allah, please bestow me great emotional strength, patience and endurance during this phase of my life. And Ya Allah, please don't forget other fellow Mama of Angels for rainbows after the heavy rain. AMIN YARABBAL ALAMIN.



MamaAqeel kuat emo la sikalang!


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7 comments:

  1. =(

    if that u re looking for ~ moving on and letting go..im the one who gonna support u.
    pernah bitau kat myn,tatau the best word tuk mel..but i pray a lot tuk kawan2 senasib mudahan ada penawarnya.Trust allah,bersangka baik dgn allah..apa yang berlaku ada hikmahnya.rezki yang akan datang juga pasti tiba tepat pada masanya.

    Though we are totally in different way and rezki,tapi kawan2 dgn u all semua,letakkan diri saya mengenal erti kehambaan padaNya.rezki allah yang datang pada saya,membuatkan saya juga akan terus mendoakan tuk kawan2 kita.

    Mudahan,penawar yang kita nantikan itu,tetap akan tiba dgn cara tersendiri nya K?
    Be strong mel!....be positive..and keep praying.

    ReplyDelete
  2. assalam kenal mel, dah follow u. insyallah ada sinar bahagia menanti kitak duak lepas tok. yakin lah ada hikmah di sebalik yang berlaku. am will pray for you.. stay strong k. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ashra: Thanks dear! You always have strong comforting words to share. AMIN, tahun depan pasti ada sinar bahagia untuk Mel dan suami insyaAllah. Suatu hari nanti, kita akan menoleh pada saat dan waktu ini sebagai pengajaran dan titik hitam dalam hidup kita. Tapi semuanya masih akan disemat di dalam hati dan tidak akan dilupakan.


    Mrs. Daydeck: Waalaikumussalam. Salam kenal ya. Terima kasih atas kata-kata kitak ya. Doa-doa kan ajak kamek duak.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Salam Mel,
    Ive been reading here since forever barulah ke entry ini i decided to comment. i was also been doin the same thing like you. Seeking for some closure from my loss. Sempena tahun baru lah konon i wanna start fresh. Start everything all over again. Stop being sad and -ve. be pregnant again. And happy and excited like how pregnnt mothers shud be. but the truth is, some things are really really easier said than done. Sabar, tabah, redha, hoiiii rupanya sangat susah untuk di miliki okay! Hehe anyhoww, one thing i know is that Allah loves all of us. we were. given a special treatment actually cehhh so i just berjalan dgn apa yang ada, dont stress myself much (pdhl ya ampunnnnn). Selagi i takut takut mcm neh then i know myself im not ready. But if it happens, then i know Allah knows im ready.
    I believe you know wht i feel like i know wht u feel. It will make you ease right to know sumone who knows exactly wht u feel. Teehee. Dont worry melna. Everythgs gonna be alright.

    Ps: do this to me when im down will you? hehehe.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Fiona: Salam kenal Fiona! I loike your comment! Memang honest dan can wrap up exactly what I am feeling. Mel dah follow Fiona balik, incase kalau u mellow, nanti Mel pulak tolong cheer up kan k? Hehehe. Thanks dear!

    ReplyDelete
  6. salam kenal mel, sabar byk2 ye dear.. Allah menduga kita utk menguji sejauh mana ketabahan kita. sama2 kita berdoa semoga Allah perkenankan hajat kita.. saya memahami situasi mel.. saya dah follow mel,kalo x keberatan jom follow me back..

    ReplyDelete
  7. Mel, sedih baca ur post. Sabar k Mel. Memang senang utk cakap SABAR tapi nak buat tu, Fiqah faham sgt2. Fiqah pun latety agak sensitif bila member2 update about their pregnancy and also their newborn baby. Yelah, Fiqah pun manusia biasa. Ada hati dan perasaan. Hanya Allah yang Maha Mengetahui. Apepun Mel, Fiqah percaya setiap dugaan pasti ada hikmahnya. Just jgn putus asa & keep berdoa and stay positif k.

    ReplyDelete

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